my birthday falls on a sunday, the 28th. last week, i asked anna when i should consider my birthday week, sunday to sunday? or does it start on my birthday and last until may 5th?
when my dad decided to go home and do hospice, he and i had some time alone to talk. one of the first things he said was, “i won’t get to see you turn 54.”
i miss him so much that it physically hurts.
remember when i chose perspective as my word for the year? i’ve seen that word a lot in the last four months. i’m trying to get a bigger picture of what we’ve been through.
perspective.
i developed a much deeper relationship with my dad before he died.
i’ve seen my mom find strength when she didn’t think she had any.
i grew closer to my brother.
i have a lot to be grateful for, even though it doesn’t always feel like it, and that gives me hope.
i really miss my dad and i cry more every day. i thought it was supposed to be the other way around. grief is weird.
things i’m doing lately that are helping
-yoga twice a day morning and night
do any of you know anything about somatic yoga? i want to learn more.
-i love this youtube channel. she has the most soothing voice. she has helped me fall asleep for the the past two months. this is my favorite of her videos:
-soul homework. although, i haven’t had time to do a library haul lately so i haven’t had many good books. i’m hoping to be able to do this during birthday week.
-spending time with my mom. we are currently healing together. what we went through was quite traumatic at times. it’s nice to have someone to talk to about it.
things i am doing that aren’t helping
-pushing myself to do things because i don’t want to disappoint others
-worrying about what others will think of me
-making myself feel bad about how i look; i gained weight due to 2024 being 2024. i’ve been doing a lot of self-loathing.
my friend steve said in the comments to “be gentle on yourselves” which is exactly what i am not doing.
i want to learn how to be gentle with myself. (have i ever been?) what does that look like?
-by the way, i can’t believe i’ve never mentioned it here before (or maybe i did and forgot), but my birthday is also buddy and biscuits’ birthday! they will turn eight and three years old, respectively.
speaking of animals, the evening my dad passed away, this cat showed up curled up on our front porch. the same cat was curled up on our porch again exactly one week later.
let’s discuss that in the comments…
i think i will now begin to celebrate birthday week. but “celebrate” may look different this year.
tell me what you have planned for this week.